[翻译交流]Twenty-two David Tao(二十二 陶喆)

By 慕舞 at 2017-06-05 • 0人收藏 • 368人看过
今年农历三月,我过完了我的二十三岁生日,想起去年刚刚毕业,想起去年我也是二十二,想起读书时的许多梦想,想起现在的许多烦恼,不禁有些黯然。于是拿出陶喆的CD,听那首我喜欢的二十二。歌中主人公是BOY,但因为我个人的原因,在翻译时都用了SHE,那个女生好像我!
  
  二十二 陶喆
  Twenty-two David Tao
  
  
  春天是他最愛的季節 當微風隨意吹亂他的頭髮
  他並不在意身邊世界的吵雜 只想著自己生命中的變化
  還有十五分鐘才午休 從早到晚沒有想像中那麼好過
  安定的日子不一定就是幸福 忘不掉他在心裡做過的夢
  他今年農曆三月六號剛滿二十二 剛甩掉課本要離開家看看這世界
  卻發現許多煩惱要面對 oh yeah
  他常常希望能回到那年他一十二 只需要好好上學生活單純沒憂愁
  他就像一朵蓓蕾滿懷希望
  
  秋天是忽然間就來臨 青春雖然有本錢可以灑脫
  一場戀愛二十二個月就結束 才知道有些感情不值得賭
  九月天氣還是有點熱 他想公車再不來就走一走路
  他開始明白等待未必有結果 一個人也能走上夢的旅途
  他今年農曆三月六號剛滿二十二 剛甩掉課本要離開家看看這世界
  卻發現許多煩惱要面對 oh yeah
  他常會想望能回到那年他一十二 只需要好好上學生活單純沒憂愁
  他一直滿懷希望
  
  人生偶爾會走上一條陌路 像是沒有指標的地圖
  別讓他們說你該知足 只有你知道什麼是你的幸福
  他常會想望能回到那年他一十二 只需要好好上學生活單純沒憂愁
  他笑著想過未來 oh 他應該得到幸福 如此的簡單的夢
  有沒有實現
  
  Spring was the season she loved best, when the soft wind combed her hair freely.
  She cared much more about the changes in her own life than the blatant surrounding.
  It’s 15 minutes to noon break. It’s not as easy as it seemed to spend a whole day.
  Calmness didn’t always mean happiness, for she couldn’t forget the dream buried deeply in her mind.
  On this March sixth of lunar calendar she was to twenty-two
  When she had just left the textbooks and run out to the world
  Just to found many troubles to face
  Always she thought of going back to those days when she was only twelve
  The pure days without grief when all she had to do was nothing but to study hard
  When she was right a bud whole for hope.
  
  Autumn had been in it’s place without notice.
  Youth had it’s way to live a rakish life.
  But the love lasted for only twenty-two months taught her that some reins was unworthy.
  It’s still hot in September.
  She wanted to take a walk if the bus would not come yet
  She began to understand that waiting was not always followed with result.
  She can begin her journey of dream by herself.
  On this March sixth of lunar calendar she was to twenty-two
  When she had just left the textbooks and run out to the world
  Just to found many troubles to face
  Always she thought of going back to those days when she was only twelve,
  The pure days without grief when all she had to do was nothing but to study hard.
  She was whole for hope all the time.
  
  Once in a while one may get on a totally new way
  Which is like a map without road guide
  Never listen to words of you should be satisfied
  Only you yourself know what is your happiness
  Always she thought of going back to those days when she was only twelve
  The pure days without grief when all she had to do was nothing but to study hard
  With a smiling face had she planed for her future
  and the happiness she would achieve
  Such an artless dream
  Hadn’t yet come true.
  
  
  
31 个回复 | 最后更新于 2017-07-15
2017-06-06   #1
  说实在的,我翻译的时候是把它当诗翻译的。根本就没有考虑旋律以及可不可以用原来的调子唱出来。因为原来我注意这首歌也是因为先看到的歌词,后来才觉得旋律也好听。我喜欢的就是歌词里那种平直的淡淡的忧伤,不想为了迁就调子而伤害了这种意境。
  
  曾经听过英文版的“一个容易受伤的女人”“用心良苦”什么的,一共有二十几首吧,唱的倒是很上口,可是细看歌词真的很烂。我不喜欢那种只有旋律没有内涵的歌,好像一个不说话的时候觉得还好看的美女,那就没意思了。
2017-06-06   #2
  i like the english version even more than the chinese.
2017-06-06   #3
  i think i will focus on your translation work ...
2017-06-06   #4
  To:催眠frog 
  
  Thank you for your comment.
  
  I think good translation should leave scope of thinking for readers, just like the origin does.Translation doesn‘t equal to comment. The origin lyrics use simple words to express the thought of a young man. I‘m afraid too much abstruse expression will ruin the work. If a few words can express the same meaning as a long paragraph,we don‘t have to choose the later way.
  
  This is my immature opinion. Anyway, thank you for your attention and advice. I hope we can have further communication ^_^
2017-06-06   #5
  Applause ~~~~~~
  
  
  好啊,建议进精华。
2017-06-06   #6
  《威廉古堡》也好听,但只是好听而已,也许会在意念上给人一种视觉的感受,但歌词描绘的视觉以外的东西我体会不到,我不会翻译我不了解的东西。
  ——强烈support!当你仔细倾听David以后,就会发现周杰伦是无法与他相提并论的。感谢那个向我推荐David的男孩!《二十二》是我三月份听得最多的歌曲,几乎每天都听。
  
  不过还有一点需要与楼主商榷,《二十二》里的主人公本来就是一个girl吧?从《小镇姑娘》到《十七岁》到《二十二》,这些歌曲应该是相互间有渊源的吧?
  
  
2017-06-06   #7
  To:催眠frog 
  
  "same composed-step" in two languages is sort of difficult for me. I tried, but you know the result would not always meet my will~ But still i will try again^_^
  Many thanks for your words~
  
  To twodogs
  我对上面的两首歌有感情,所以翻译的时候理解。 《威廉古堡》
  也好听,但只是好听而已,也许会在意念上给人一种视觉的感受,但歌词描绘的视觉以外的东西我体会不到,我不会翻译我不了解的东西。
2017-06-06   #8
  好听!
2017-06-06   #9
  (-_-) Sorry,"later" in my upper words should be "latter".
2017-06-06   #10
  黑色柳丁好听,最爱是小镇姑娘
2017-06-07   #11
  here i just want to clarify that your work was really that arresting when i got the first sight of it...even the next sights...
  as to your response of my words...maybe sometimes if you do it in an abstruse way,i almost get strayed while doing some lyrics translation,it will completely destroy the seeming stuff...it comes to me that some easy feelings and intuition will directly meet the needs but the style i pointed out...
  anyway...have you ever tried to do the translation going the same composed-step with the origin?
2017-06-08   #12
  THX
  :)
  
  建议你回去听啊,也许你也会觉得在听自己的故事~从此找到一个远隔天涯的知己,多好~
  
2017-06-08   #13
  藤萝轩
2017-06-08   #14
  流沙 Quicksand
  
  并不是真的路过而已
  也不是真的不会想你
  全都不是真的
  是骗自己
  其实还爱你
  爱着你
  我以为我早想清楚
  不由自主恍恍惚惚又走回头路
  再看一眼有过的幸福
  
  爱情好像流沙
  我不挣扎
  随它去吧
  我不害怕
  爱情好像流沙
  心里的牵挂不愿放下
  oh baby
  让我这样吧
  
  爱情好像流沙
  我不说话
  等待黑暗让泪能流下
  爱情好像流沙
  明知该躲它
  无法自拔
  oh baby
  是我太傻
  
  是一再的做一再的错不由我
  我一步一步一步一步慢慢走向流沙
  
  Not really was nothing more than I passed by you
  Not really could anything keep me from missing you
  It’s all lies which
  I used to deceive myself
  Actually I’m still loving you
  loving you
  I thought I’d seen all the things throughbut
  Vaguely conscious I cannot help going back
  to review the happiness once actually being so true
  
  Love is just quicksand
  in which I don’t want to struggle
  Just let it be
  for I’m not scared
  Love is just quicksand
  swirling in my heart
  I just can’t let it go
  oh baby
  let me be
  
  Love is just quicksand
  I kept silentand
  and wait for tears to run down with the disguise of darkness
  Love is just quicksand which I knew I should escape from
  but I can’t extricate myself
  oh baby
  Silly is what I am
  
  Again and again false after false, I just can’t help it
  Step by step, step by step I can just tend toward quicksand slowly
2017-06-08   #15
  Listening "Quicksand",I often think of my first love,and sometimes feel sad.
  
  PS:Some of David Tao‘s song touch me badly
2017-06-08   #16
  我喜欢他唱的《月亮代表谁的心》。
2017-06-16   #17
  David Tao feels like using series of numbers to entitle his songs...
2017-06-21   #18
  慕舞 : Thank you very much
  
  Very good
2017-06-22   #19
  你的翻译真不错。歌词的烦以不同于歌曲的翻译,我对这方面研究不多,但是我觉得歌曲的翻译不一定是原文的直接翻译。因为毕竟有个旋律的问题。以前听过一首英文版的对面的女孩看过来,印象最深的是那句we‘ll talk and you can hold my hands tight.对应那句我左看右看,上看下看。你试着唱唱,就会发现妙处。当然语法方面的问题就不要细纠了。
2017-06-22   #20
  农夫好~
2017-06-23   #21
  I‘m glad that you like it~
2017-06-23   #22
  呵呵,镇江醋你可不能这么说,否则我可真是该打了。
2017-06-23   #23
  歌 好 ,楼 主 的 翻 译 也 很 好
  PS:楼 主 能 翻 一 下 "流 沙 "吗 ?一 首 触 动 心 灵 的 歌
2017-06-23   #24
  欣然采纳:)
  希望成为你的知己~~

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